Obstacles of Meditation
personal commentary on some such obstacles
One of the obstacles to meditation I’ve come to know, is we have to actually sit with ourselves. We have to sit for a moment without the distractions of the external world pacifying us and actually feel ourselves, hear ourselves, BE ourselves as we are in this exact moment. Just the way we are, right now. Smeared mess and all.
There are many levels of discomfort which arise here. Pains of the physical body, annoyance from the environment, mental turmoil, emotional whiplash, spiritual agony and despair. Guilt, shame, humiliation, grief, regret, anger - to name a few I have experienced. All sitting there. Lifetimes of them. All still hot and bothered because we have never given them proper attention.
Sitting in a silent moment without distraction can feel like a betrayal of what “should be”. It is not an opportunity most of us find ourselves jumping on. We do everything we can to run away. I see it in some faces when I say I facilitate meditation. Agony. They know exactly what they are going to find there and they want nothing to do with it. Not a damn thing. That's why our lives are full to the brim of even things WE HATE TO DO because we would rather do that than have to face ourselves in stillness. Face our thoughts, our words, our actions and those consequences within the wider world.
Our wellness must evolve to a place of recognition and ability to listen deeply to our discomfort - to hear the words - to deal with the words - to be with the traumas - to feel the atrocities - to sit in silence and listen completely with full hearts and empty accusations. A simple listen. Acknowledgement of the nature of what is done to each other, against each other, for each other. We must witness - there is no blame. There is only now and witnessing a great:
“Oh my insides!”, “Oh your insides!” Moment in our collective.
Oh my fucking insides
hurt so bad
I whale in circles in my house
until the saliva and tears become one
A fire melting furnace inside is able to let off some pressure
Be with me and witness
We must do this work to move forward in love with humanity
It’s my understanding, the reason many refuse to acknowledge we are One in the west is because so much atrocity has happened without any accountability. We all now feel like we have to point fingers at "another side" we have deemed "not us" because WE would never do that. When in fact, we are all US, and WE did do that. It happened. You cannot dissect yourself from yourself. We cannot dissect ourselves from each other. It's a painful process to undergo albeit vital for our survival and future.
We are the people in Gaza - they are our kin. We are the people in Palestine. Israel. Pine Ridge. Chernobyl. Flint. Ukraine. Russia. Columbine. Sudan. Berlin. Hawaii. China. Ireland. Puerto Rico. Hiroshima. We are trafficked, homeless, fleeing. WE are ALL US. We are ALL kin. We choose how we react in this life. We have to start paying attention to the moments of our lives so we can begin to BE with it all. When we are with what is, we can properly contribute to the reality before us all.
Being born in the US alone is an incredible privilege. One many of us squander for a variety of reasons. Many would rather be comfortable. Been there, done that. It’s a dangerous and quite frankly boring way to live. Anyone with an inkling of awareness needs to reflect on their individual power within the collective, where it lies, and how to use it for the common good of ALL. That's how this works. I’m still learning too.
Sure, it seems a lot easier to pretend like this isn’t all related. Like none of this is ours. It's easier because then we get to go on living exactly how we are. We don’t have to change.
Understanding the world is inter-connected and animate in every sense is a beautifully difficult life. I have to enter into stillness every single day, it’s a non-negotiable. I’ve changed in order to focus my awareness on how I’m being in a given moment, so my being can be reflective of my doing. It’s a process.
Understanding the world is inter-connected and animate means we have to treat our individual lives in new ways. There is much suffering and pain all around and when we pretend it's not there we are not able to integrate the knowing found within the pain.
Life can be difficult and processing with meditation, together in the stillness can be comforting and familiar even with complete strangers. Our hearts know the way. The work begins inside, the work begins right now, in this moment. As Thich Nhat Hanh would say, “this is the moment you have been waiting for.”